I am walking away from civilization into a flat deserted dry landscape and I come upon a large structure which was once an alien center for constructing objects of some kind. It is as though I almost know what was constructed there, and why. There are tourists about, who are interested in the structure. Sometimes one of them accompanies me as I walk past until I get to the edge of a large cement platform that sits about 30 feet above the ocean’s surface.
Once I get to the platform, I am usually alone. Then there is a change in atmosphere and I know that the platform is really hundreds of miles from any shore and is over a deep part of the ocean where there is an abandoned underwater clockwork vessel the size of a small house. I dive into the water heading down to the vessel, and I usually hold my breath until I “remember” that I can breathe underwater, and even though it always works, my first breath of water is always terrifying. I swim down and find myself at the vessel. I am at that point in immediate contact with a research team in a modern submarine that is trying get down to the depth of the vessel and struggling with the swift current around the vessel. It is as though they are waiting to take over the investigation of anyone who has the power and knowledge to get to the vessel and stay in the fast moving current.
The research team seems friendly and knowledgeable, but as I approach the underwater vessel I can tell that the vessel itself does not like them, they are uninvited guests. The vessel is trying to communicate something, and at the same time I am trying to remember something…
I remember being abandoned on this planet with about 20 other people, although we did not have bodies. We were left behind as a sort of fully functioning intelligent energy. I remember us being angry, filled with rage. We had nothing to do, nothing to be, nothing to live for, and no way to die, just a gentle fading away. The rage we felt eventually drove us apart, and we could no longer stand to be with each other. There was no personality left in any of us. I felt the thousands of years passing, and then emptiness instead of rage. The oceanic life around me became interesting, being the only thing other than the different colors of mud. I recall learning how to put a part of my consciousness into a multi-celled creature like an amoeba. I could not stay there for long, or I would begin to forget myself. Over many more eons I figured out how to store some of my intelligence in the most advanced of the multi-celled creatures. And then, even though the storage system was desperately imperfect, I cast myself fully into a now more fully formed sea creature and entered the stream of life, constantly reincarnating as life evolved. The imperfect knowledge always with me, and yet my ability to understand what I once carefully stored fading with the cares of the bodies I inhabited….and that I was not the only one of us left behind who had joined with life on this planet.
It is at this point of remembering that the vessel moves rapidly away because the research team has gotten too close. I am always captured, questioned, and dropped off somewhere by the research team. I never tell them what I “remember” because it seems too impossible, and dream-like, and outside of their understanding. I cannot tell them how I swim to the vessel, or why it stays there, trying to speak to me.
Last night though, the dream changed…I was on the platform, which was no longer cement, but an ultra-marine colored rough surface. I recognized this as a watercolor wash. The research team was there too. My first boyfriend was also there, and demanding that I leave. He was trying to make me feel worthless, stupid, and diminished enough to do as he said. I was totally focused on escaping the research team, and had to struggle away to get away. I did not even give a second thought to breathing the water. I just dove toward the vessel. At some point a dear friend of mine joined me, diving down into cold swirling depths. I made the water a deep dark violet color, obscuring the vessel from the research team. Once we reached the vessel we were allowed to touch it, and look at the strange markings. We were there a long time, just “being with” the vessel.